Veronicle Blog

More or less everywhere in the world, children are taught to refrain from crying. I remember incidents from my own early childhood. If I fell down and then cried , my family members would distract me from crying. They would say ’see you have killed an ant’. In my innocence, I would believe what I was told and would start looking for the little creature. Of course, I could never find one. But I was distracted from crying and the activity would stop spontaneously.

In real world of grown-ups this is what we learn to do. We distract ourselves from crying over the losses that we undergo in our lives. We are told it is not good for us to cry, because ‘things cannot be undone’. Little do we realise that crying is a healing activity and it helps us move on in life.

It is a myth that crying over a loss continues forever and impedes our progress. Converse is true. Not crying over losses and deaths creates a ‘burden’ in the body that we are not consciously aware of. This burden is only experienced when it is allowed to let go. As long as one is holding on to the burden, one does not realise that it is being carried. We are so used to carry it anyway.

Our nervous system goes into stress mode when our body perceives any threat. At that time the process of crying is suspended. It is only when a person starts to relax that the crying activity occurs. Physiologically, the parasympathetic nervous system is responsible for relaxation. Crying or shedding tears, is a parasympathetic activity too. So people who are stressed out do not cry. But they are not happy either.

When someone cries over a loss, it means the nervous system is getting ‘comfortable’ or is reaching a stage of ‘accepting’ the loss. This causes a balance between the sympathetic (stress producing) and the parasympathetic (relaxation producing) parts of the nervous system. The crying that involves grief almost ALWAYS ends.

Sometimes even grown up adults can cry to seek attention. This kind of crying is usually done in a dramatic manner, is inconsistent with any loss and does not end at any stage, till the dramatist wants to stop it. In such a case, crying is not a healing activity but it is an attention seeking one.

Pradeep K Chadha is a psychiatrist who specialises in helping patients with meditation and imagery using little or no medication. He is the author of The Stress Barrier-Nature’s Way To Overcoming Stress published by Blackhall Publishing, Dublin. He is based in Dublin, Ireland. His website address is: http://www.drpkchadha.com

Comments Off

For most people life is a fairly ordinary existence - and when I say ordinary I mean a contented, ‘far from perfect’ way of life. And that’s okay… until something major happens to rock the boat.

Divorce, illness, redundancy, an accident or the death of someone close - any one of these events is enough to get you thinking about your own morality. When you realise how thin the cord of life is you begin to contemplate the meaning of your life and the direction you’re currently heading. Life becomes more precious and you ask, ‘What’s it all about?’ or ‘What’s my purpose in life?’

You may be disillusioned with work. You may come home from the day tired or grumpy and unenthused after another day when your natural gifts have been unexpressed and passions thwarted. You may feel stressed or be under your doctor and on medication for depression. Other areas of your life may also be far from perfect and although you’ve decided to change things, you have no idea what you might change things to. It is here that many people become stuck and opt for the status quo. If you are one of these people then the rest of this article will help you.

Believe it or not a growing number of people are restless with life. They are shifting gear to accelerate away from difficulties at the first signs of trouble and finding that after an initial period of getting their heads around a new perspective on life, that life actually can be a magical experience where things that kept you back before - like a lack of confidence or money - are no longer a problem and very few things become major issues. I bet you’d like some of that, wouldn’t you?

So, how do you create this?

Finding purpose in life holds the key - and when I say ‘purpose’ I mean ‘Life Purpose’
There are a few principles to this and I’ve listed them below in very general terms to help you understand how simplistic living, governed by your Life Purpose rather than the dictates of society, can be.

Principle One - you were born with a unique talent and a distinctive way of expressing it.

Principle Two - at some level you already know your life purpose.

Principle Tree - Life Purpose is often hidden by day-to-day living. The problem is life got complicated and you forgot what it was you intended to do. The aim of this article is to help you understand what happens as a result of losing your way, so you can do something to change.

Principle Four - Life purpose is not just job specific. Most people think life purpose is all about your work. Work is a key element, but not the be-all and end-all. You’ll find that your Life Purpose can be expressed through your work. For example if your Life Purpose is to work as a healer you could heal in a number of ways - by providing massage therapy, nursing, counselling, coaching or writing.

Principle Five - Without clarity of life purpose living becomes existence. If you don’t know what you want you are like a ship without a rudder. You have no meaning or direction except necessity… and the direction others send you in - usually those who are clear what they want and have learned how to achieve their goals getting you to do the workload while they put their feet up and take five.

Principle Six - A Life Purpose will benefit others. Ultimately your Life Purpose will benefit the greater good. It doesn’t have to be what Ghandi did for India. It can be much simpler. It could be the way you care for lame animals, the way you empower children or the beauty you create as a gardener.

Principle Seven - Life Purpose links mind, body and spirit. When you work with your life purpose there is no gap between these essential elements of living. You take care of all three areas of your life. You mind is engaged, your body is energised and your spirit is raised. Once you’re on the journey living your Life Purpose is like experiencing magic from morning through to evening.

Jo Ball is a Life Purpose Coach. She’d love you to join up to her free monthly newsletter full of ideas, tips and stories on living life on purpose. What’s more, when you join the fast-growing readership she’ll send you a free e-book, Greater Steps to Happiness as a thank you gift. Join Jo now at http://www.unstoppablelife.com

Comments Off

Chamonix town is a one of a kind town with the famous Monte Bianco as well as majestic glaciers. We enjoy going skiing or even taking the tourist train. I normally fly from Seattle and stay at a Chamonix chalet for the duration of my holiday.

My family and I previously visited Silvertree Hotel unfortunately it never lived up to its description: The Silvertree Hotel is Snowmass Village’s only full-service ski-in/ski-out hotel. Centrally located on Fanny Hill and the Village Mall, the Silvertree offers complimentary transfers to Aspen’s Sardy Field airport (approximately three miles). It is roughly a three-and-a-half-hour drive to Denver International Airport. The full-service gym includes a steam room, massage rooms, men’s and women’s locker rooms, an outdoor heated pool, whirlpool, and sauna. There are also two restaurants, lobby lounge and bar, concierge, on-site ski shop, ski valet, laundry service, business center, and meeting rooms. Nestled in an intimate valley high in the Elk Range of the Colorado Rocky Mountains, Snowmass Village has a variety of recreational or cultural activities. Select from dozens of fine dining experiences and shop the many unique boutiques. There are more than 20 restaurants within a short walk of The Silvertree Hotel. Just minutes away in Aspen are even more dining and shopping choices. Visit museums and fine art galleries, attend concerts, dance performances, theater, stand-up comedy, and film showings.

In comparison in Chamonix Haute Savoie the catered chalet is invariably brilliant. Likewise dining in our favorite hotel restaurant, Aaron Lopez, scoffing easter baskets is a delight. Chamonix France is a big enough destination to insure that there is plenty for the holiday maker to do. Amongst other things it includes a beauty salon and a shopping arcade of designer boutiques, Chamonix offers a combination of walking, old town charm and sightseeing which few ski resorts can match.

Comments Off

You should be sassy today to check up if you have a super bargain or if you don’t with the bank that offers you a bank loan. A merchant bank in Idaho Falls Idaho or so can have a total completely different actual rate of interest for a 15000 dollar deferred payment then a moneylender in Camden New Jersey and that makes a huge clear gap in your yearly costs. It makes no difference if you live in Linden New Jersey or in Columbia South Carolina a dependable online inspection will salve you often lots of pain. That’s the reason why now you need to suss out and understand if you can have a credit loan at a effective percent rate. 15.2 percent interest rate may seem so sightly but will it stay immutable after you have to riposte your loan. A lot of the banks wil show you a loan rate that is looking honest but feels naughtily or so after some time.

Translated it means: Woon je in Veghel of Sluis en heeft u BKR verleden. Lenen met zonder BKR is nog nooit zo eenvoudig geweest. Haal snel een nieuwe auto met zonder geld lenen toetsing, 452152 euro is geen enkel probleem om te lenen. Van Anna Paulowna tot Woerden, financieren met en BKR codering is altijd mogelijk.

Now you can check into rates of interest quickly on the internet and go steady if there are other possible traps you should be aware of. Examine to see if the merchant bank who wants to give you a loan is untrustworthy.

Comments Off

The reasons for initially trying different socially acceptable legal drugs (e.g. alcohol, cigarettes, etc.), and/ or illegal drugs, or for that matter any addictive behavior involvement (e.g. gambling, binge-eating, etc.) are multi-factored (e.g. peer-pressure, boredom, etc.). In the twentieth century approximately 65% (Helzer et al., 1990) of healthy American individuals (born in a family–free from a history of substance abuse for example, and raised in a positive environment with positive values and conditioning) experiment with underage drinking and possibly smoking cigarettes at least once as adolescents or during a “college dorm - binge drinking” - phase of life.

Because human behavior is so complex, an attempt to understand the reasons individuals continue to use, and/ or abuse themselves with substances and/ or maladaptive behaviors to the point of developing self-defeating behavior patterns and/ or other life-style dysfunctions or self-harm is enormously difficult to achieve. Many researchers therefore prefer to speak of risk factors that may contribute, but not be sufficient to cause addictions. They point to an eclectic bio-psychosocial approach that involves the multi-dimensional interactions of genetics, biochemistry, psychology, socio-cultural, and spiritual influences.

Risk Factors / Contributory Causes / Influences:

1. Genetics (family history) - is known to play a role in causing susceptibility through such biological avenues as metabolic rates and sensitivity to alcohol and/ or other drugs or addictive behaviors.

2. Biochemistry - the discovery of morphine-like substances called endorphins (runners high, etc.) and the so-called “pleasure pathway” - the mesocorticolimbic dopamine pathway (MCLP). This is the brain center or possible anatomic site underlying addictions at which alcohol and other drugs stimulate to produce euphoria - which then becomes the desired goal to attain (tolerance - loss of control - withdrawal).

3. Psychological Factors - developmental personality traits, vulnerability to stress, and the desire for tension and symptom reduction from various mental health problems and traumatic life experiences.

4. Socio-cultural/ Spiritual Factors - cultural attitudes, marital, relational, legal, financial, and religious psycho-social stressors (etc.), along with the existence of a so-called drug culture that promotes the availability of alcohol and other drugs and/ or addictive behaviors as tension reducers and/ or pain relievers.

Family genetics, and bio-psychosocial, historical, and developmental conditioning factors are difficult and sometimes impossible to be changed within individuals. The standardized performance-based Addictions Recovery Measurement System philosophy incorporates a bio-psychosocial disease model that focuses on a cognitive behavioral perspective in attempting to alter maladaptive thinking and improve a person’s abilities and behaviors to solve problems and plan for sustained recovery. Many healthcare consumers of addiction recovery services have a genetic pre-dispositional history for addiction. They have suffered and continue to suffer from past traumatic life experiences (e.g. physical, sexual, and emotional abuse, etc.) and often present with psychosocial stressors (e.g. occupational stress, family/ marital problems, etc.) leaving them with intense and confusing feelings (e.g. anger, anxiety, bitterness, fear, guilt, grief, loneliness, depression, and inferiority, etc.) that reinforce their already low self-esteem. The complex interaction of these factors can leave the individual with much deeper mental health problems involving self-hatred, self-punishment, self-denial, low self-control, low self-respect, and a severe low self-esteem condition, with an overall (sometimes hidden) negative self-identity.

There are many definitions for addiction as it is a complex phenomenon. The American Psychiatric Association avoids the term entirely. The World Health Organization defined addiction as “a state of periodic and/ or chronic intoxication produced by the repeated consumption of a natural or synthetic drug. This state of intoxication is manifested by an overpowering desire, need or compulsion with the presence of a tendency to increase the dose and evidence of phenomena of tolerance, abstinence and withdrawal, in which there is always psychic and physical dependence on the effects of the drug” (Gossop and Grant, 1990, p. 20).

Addictive diseases generally have been associated with substance abuse. More recently, the concept of addiction has been broadened to include behavior patterns that do not necessarily include alcohol or drugs. Bradshaw (1990) defines addiction as a “pathological relationship to any mood-altering person, thing, substance, or activity that has life-damaging consequences” (p. VIII). Arterburn and Felton (1992) define addiction as “the presence of a psychological and physiological dependency on a substance, relationship, or behavior” (p. 104). Shaef (1987) defines addiction as “any process over which we are powerless. Addiction takes control of us, causing us to do and think things that are inconsistent with our personal values, and which lead us to become progressively more compulsive and obsessive” (p. 18). She divides addictions into two broad categories: Substance addictions (e.g., alcohol, drugs, nicotine, and food, etc.) and process or behavioral addictions (e.g., gambling, food, religion, and sexual addictions, etc.).

Similar to alcohol and substance abuse disorders, process or behavioral addictions have personality factors that tend to characterize their etiologies, behavioral manifestations, and their resistance to change even though they do not involve a chemical addictive substance. For example, although most people can gamble occasionally, (e.g., Saturday night poker games, betting on major sporting events with friends, and/ or playing a slot machine while on vacation, etc.), an estimated six to ten million Americans lose control.

Pathological Gambling, according to Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders Fourth Edition Text Revision (DSM-IV-TR, 2000) is characterized by recurrent and persistent gambling behavior that disrupts family, personal, or vocational pursuits. It also involves continuous or periodic loss of control; a preoccupation with obtaining money for gambling; irrational behavior; and continuation of this behavior in spite of adverse consequences (Rosenthal, 1992).

People also develop dependencies on certain life-functioning activities that can be just as life threatening as drug addiction and just as socially and psychologically damaging as alcoholism. As noted previously 30.5% of American adults suffer from morbid obesity or being 100 lbs. or more above ideal body weight. Some do suffer from hormonal or metabolic disorders, but most obese individuals simply consume more calories than they burn due to an out of control overeating Food Addiction lifestyle pattern.

Hyper-obesity resulting from gross, habitual overeating is considered to be more like the problems found in those ingrained personality disorders that involve loss of control over appetite of some kind (Orford, 1985). Binge-eating Disorder episodes are characterized in part by a feeling that one cannot stop or control how much or what one is eating (DSM-IV-TR, 2000).

Williams (1993) suggests that religious addicts experience three of the same symptoms as other addicts: craving or the need for a fix; the loss of control; and continual use. Johnson and VanVonderen (1991) define Religious Addiction as “the state of being dependent on a spiritually mood-altering system.” In a change intended to encourage mental health professionals to view patients’ religious experience more seriously, the DSM-IV included an entry entitled, “Religious or Spiritual Problem” (Steinfels 1994). One type of psycho-religious problem involves patients who intensify their adherence to religious practices to an obsessive-compulsive and sometimes delusional mental state of mind. I personally had the unique opportunity of writing my doctoral dissertation on religious addiction entitled, “Hawaii and Christian Religious Addiction.” During that process, I discovered a significant relationship between self-appointed, authoritarian church leaders and religious addictive beliefs, behaviors and symptoms (Slobodzien, 2004).

Likewise, Sexual Addiction affects an estimated three to six percent of the U.S. population. Sexual addiction takes many forms to include obsessions with pornography and masturbation to engaging in cyber-sex, voyeurism, affairs, rape, incest, and sex with strangers. Though solitary forms of this addiction may not be overtly risky, they can be part of a pattern of distorted thinking and identity conflict that can escalate to involve harming the self and others. An example of a Sexual Disorder (NOS) or Not Otherwise Specified in the DSM-IV-TR, (2000) includes: distress about a pattern of repeated sexual relationships involving a succession of lovers who are experienced by an individual only as things to be used. The defining elements of this kind of addiction are its secrecy and escalating nature, often resulting in diminished judgment and self-control (Carnes, 1994).

The fundamental nature of all addiction is the addicts’ experience of helplessness and powerlessness over an obsessive-compulsive behavior, resulting in their lives becoming unmanageable. The addict may be out of control. They may experience extreme emotional pain and shame. They may repeatedly fail to control their behavior. They may suffer one or more of the following consequences of an unmanageable lifestyle: a deterioration of some or all supportive relationships; difficulties with work, financial troubles; and physical, mental, and/ or emotional exhaustion which sometimes leads to psychiatric problems and hospitalization. Addictions tend to arise from the same backgrounds: families with co-dependency including multiple addictions; lack of effective parenting; and other forms of physical, emotional and sexual trauma in childhood. Since it is impossible to expect treatment for one addiction to be beneficial when other addictions co-exist, the initial therapeutic intervention for any addiction needs to include an assessment for other addictions.

Poly-behavioral dependence is the synergistically integrated chronic dependence on multiple physiologically addictive substances and behaviors (e.g., using/ abusing substances - nicotine, alcohol, & drugs, and/ or acting impulsively or obsessively compulsive in regards to gambling, food binging, sex, and/ or religion, etc.) simultaneously.

For more info see: “Poly-Behavioral Addictions and the Addictions Recovery Measurement System”

http://www.geocities.com/drslbdzn/Behavioral_Addictions.html

James Slobodzien, Psy.D., CSAC, is a Hawaii licensed psychologist and certified substance abuse counselor who earned his doctorate in Clinical Psychology. Dr. Slobodzien is credentialed by the National Registry of Health Service Providers in Psychology. He has over 20-years of mental health experience primarily working in the fields of alcohol/ substance abuse and behavioral addictions in hospital, prison, and court settings. He is an adjunct professor of Psychology and also maintains a private practice as a mental health consultant.

For more info see:

www.booklocker.com/books/1966.html

www.geocities.com/drslbdzn/Behavioral_Addictions.html

Comments Off

It’s a simple action for a soldier to kill another human being and without consequences - at least not immediately. You see, the act itself is without emotion and devoid of much thought. The preparation for such a task is unconscious, but very important indeed. Soldiers generally are not willing to take a life, even in self defense. It is something that is incorporated in their training, subtle though it may be.

It all starts with anger, or revenge. Feelings not felt during the actual event, but begin the thought process. This emotion is not trained, but is certainly exploited. Soldiers are fundamentally angry at their enemy simply for causing them to leave their families. But, whatever the cause, all soldiers find some way to be angry.

This anger leads to a process called dehumanization, or making the victim appear less than human. This takes some time. The military makes it easier by replacing the term “human” - which is entirely what the victim is - with names like “enemy” and “target”, in this war we just call them “Iraqis”, which to us means “animal”. It’s far easier - though not completely “easy” by any means - to kill an animal than a human.

Next you have to decrease your personal value on human life. Dehumanization only goes so far, so when it comes down to it, you still know that you are taking a “human” life. This process is the most difficult but, as a result, leads to a very effective soldier. To decrease the value of human life means also to decrease the value of your own. A soldier who doesn’t fear death is a force to be reckoned with. They do this in the military by speaking of death merely in numbers. They also sing marching cadence which makes very light the idea of death. “If I should die in the old drop zone, box me up and ship me home”.

In our countries Second World War, a great many soldiers were found to have trouble firing upon their enemies, even when our soldiers were being engaged themselves. They would just keep reloading their weapons without taking a shot. Thus proving that simply being able to shoot does not prepare you for the task of shooting another person. The military had to alter some of its tactics to accommodate “familiarity” training for soldiers who would have to kill. The targets used for weapons qualification were changed from circular targets to silhouettes of a human head and torso. They also incorporated commands which seem very robotic. During training soldiers are instructed when to fire by a series of commands. These commands are the same used in battle and prove to be effective in forcing soldiers to fire on an enemy without the usual hindrance of actually thinking about it.

This training, subtle as well as obvious, makes a soldier completely immune. It turns combat into a form of entertainment, like a video game. And the gore and wounds inflicted by pulling a trigger are cinematic, as opposed to actually being real. You are killing an enemy which you deem to not be human, and are trained to do so without hesitation.
It seems a perfect plan, and proves to be a very efficient way to fight a war, until these methods unravel.

As I stated before, these unraveling effects are not immediate. For some it happens at the end of a mission or operation. In fact for a good soldier it won’t occur until they return home to their family. All soldiers must, at some point, deal with what they have done. It is inevitable that he will have to confront the fact the he has killed another human and not just an “Iraqi”. He will have the moral dilemma of having taken a life when he realizes that he was not just playing a game. And he will have to reacquaint himself with the reality that human life is very precious and that because of him, another person has been robbed of his right to live. The simple rules of self defense will only console him for long.

And so, even with counseling and reassurance from friends, the soldier realizes that the only condolence he will have is to forget. Unfortunately most soldiers never will, though not for lack of trying.

I have killed before. If you ask me am I proud of it? No, I cannot be. I understand that I needed to do it, but I also understand that the men I killed had families and dreams. And they were fighting for their country and for their leadership, just as was I. I am not haunted by my experience, but I am troubled. Do I have any regrets? No, I cannot allow for that either.

~ SGT John C. Owings

I recently started a website. Please visit. I offer a great way to earn money on the internet!
For more information please visit http://www.quickbuckweb.com

Comments Off

Do you have someone who can feel the pain in your eyes? Do you have someone who can understand the ache of your heart? Do you have someone who can understand your misery? Do you have someone who can understand your helplessness? Do you have someone who can wipe your tears? Do you have someone who will not ask you not to cry, but will give you a shoulder to cry upon? Do you have someone who waits for you? Do you have someone who keeps awake with you? Do you have someone who will talk to people on your behalf? Do you have someone who will feel the pain of your life? Do you have someone who knows that you don’t want to live , but are forced to live? Do you have a true companion?

I am not talking only about a wife or a husband or a friend or a companion? Anyone it can be. But do you have someone who understands you and who is with you always? If yes, you are a very lucky person. God has given you all the luck you wanted. Because getting a person like what I talked above is very difficult. You will rather find that during your time of hardships, pains and misery, you are alone. No one will understand your actions or motives. They will argue with you. They will suggest you. But they will not be with you. You will have to face your misery all alone and on that day, you will cry for someone who understands you.

You will not get that person. Your beating heart may stop with the pain. People will gather to bury you. But no one will help you live, when you wanted. That time you will probably thank death for getting you away from this world of loneliness.

Comments Off

Man has this amazing ability to copy, to follow, to be led or he has a driving wish to be exactly the same as those around him. It is called the sheep syndrome. The next door neighbors have just got a ten speed lawnmower ….. all the kids at school have one……the dot.com bubble …………. fashionable/trendy ……….I want to be the same ……..and so on down the trail!

An immense example of misplaced sheep syndrome is the current British mind set of buying of property in another country. Millions of middle-class and average people have given over their life savings in return for a square piece of land with a debatable construction sitting on it, in Spain, in Cyprus, Florida, et al! Not only have they handed over all that they have ever had but given it in return for something that lies a thousand miles away and that once the excitement has worn off will become a costly burden that is visited only twice a year, if that! Yet, it is fashionable; it is the ’sensible’ thing to do, to buy some property in rural Turkey, just like the neighbors have bought. It is profitable to buy a three bed-roomed house in Florida, because the brochure said we could rent it back out when we don’t use it! The agent said that the price is inclusive ………and so it goes on, each prospective buyer convinced that it is a wise thing to do in life and nobody saying otherwise because it is the trend, the sheep syndrome in action!

Another large example of man following man was the YK2 period of disaster prediction! Somebody casually observed that computer clocks might not cope with the change over to the new millennium because nobody had thought about it before, despite the fact that it was only a couple of years away! So what happened was a mad panic and had somebody said ‘boo’ in a rather large voice stampedes would have occurred, cities would have evacuated themselves and wars would have started. But what happened was that rumors and counter rumors spread like wildfire, rivers of possible scary scenarios ricocheted around the world and the public became so infused with impending disaster they just didn’t know which way to turn.

At least four years before the turn of the century the process of panic indoctrination started and people rapidly became suffused with fear. The US government set up a command center at an initial cost of 50 million dollars to cope with the impending crisis and throughout it all computer geeks and companies made fortunes as they set up Y2K software companies and became solemn experts on the subject! Billions of Dollars, Pounds, Dong, etc. was spent on new equipment that had stickers plastered all over them that read, “I am Y2K compliant”, and power station night security guards lied without embarrassment to have their night off starting on the 31st December!

Planes were going to fall out of the sky at midnight. Russian missiles were going to arm themselves, to shoot across the oceans and to land in the middle of Sunset Boulevard! And lights would just switch off, water would stop coming out of the taps and bank machines would never again issue another note simply because the big hand could not quite get past the top of the hour!

The end of the world is nigh.

When the actual turning point came, nothing astounding or untoward happened! Planes did not collide in mid-air, nuclear explosions from the local power station did not light up the night skies and little aliens with green heads did not land to take over the world! The only real tremors and aftershocks felt were a direct result of the panic build-up of previous. Those who had stockpiled food in their underground bunkers had year’s worth of baked beans to work through; those who had stockpiled goods suddenly found out that their life savings were now invested in a worthless pile of batteries, torches and gas lamps that nobody really wanted anymore. Banks had problems on Monday morning as customers queued up to re-open closed accounts (money withdrawn because banks vaults would never open again) and portable bunker rental firms found it difficult to cope as their goods were returned in quick order!

All the sheep should have felt very sheepish indeed but true to form, and because everybody was in the same boat they just found other sheep trails to follow.

The sheep syndrome is very much a deep rooted fear of being different, of being the odd man out, to be an outcast of a certain group whether it is social, work or family! This fear is ingrained from birth, so deeply that for most the knowledge of its existence is not known. For most people the eagerness to be the same, to be an active and popular member of a group overrides any thought as to why they really want this and thus the fear is pushed and kept far away and dusty in the nether regions of the mind. From the day that we are born the conditioning starts. Parents give to their children what other children of that age group have, for these children in turn to want what those other children have and in time to give their very own offspring what they feel that they should have. As humans we tend to operate and guide ourselves through the maze of life by copying, following and fitting in, our sole guide being what is around us. We tend not to step outside of the circle that we are in, we tend not to think alone or to act differently because of that simple deep rooted fear of being cast aside or ignored.

In some limited cases people are perceived by others to be different. Neighbors may huddle and talk about the family that lives at No29 because they just don’t fit in with the street as a whole. But the family at No29 has another agenda to follow, they forsake the ’street’ circle for another social or work group to which they will fit in very well and will thus be sheep, tied to that group for their ideologies and trends.

There is a debatable 1% of society that manages to be different and for them life is not so easy. The man who decides that he doesn’t want to drive a car, yet works as a car mechanic might be viewed as weird by the rest of the world. He would also find it totally impossible to find suitable employment in that field even though he is the best mechanic available. He just doesn’t conform. The pregnant mother who tells the hospital staff that she doesn’t want a scan of her infant will be talked about in hushed whispers by the nurses and doctors, treated at a distance simply because she does not want that which is prescribed by an establishment. But researching these acts of stand alone behavior may at first glance seem worthy but deep down the sheep syndrome will rear its ugly head. The mechanic who refuses to drive might be an outcast amongst all other mechanics, with his wife, neighbors, etc. but he will probably be a sheep of another social group. He might be a member of the local cycling club, a member of Greenpeace or the anti-car society! The pregnant mother who refuses the scan may not be so alone after all as back home is a mother and family that fully supports her decision.

True individualism is hard if not impossible to find. At first glance little acts of transgression do surface especially amongst those who can afford to be different, who have the power or position to ward off the sneers and snide remarks that are synonymous with stand-alone behavior. Pop stars, actors and politicians. The singer who first smashed his guitar on stage did something unusual, yet he left that stage and snorted drugs and abused groupies just like the rest of his social group does. The actress who first bared her breasts on screen stepped outside of acceptable moral behavior, yet afterwards she returned to her mansion and the party that she was hosting. The conservative politician that dared to suggest that he liked to buy organic food went home to his three-up two-down detached house where his wife and 2.3 kids awaited his return.

Individualism takes courage even if it is only a minute transgression away from that which is deemed acceptable. But what is notable about the 1% of society who transgresses briefly is that their small wayward behavior breeds in time to become fully acceptable behavior. That one daring escapade on stage with the guitar produced a horde of musicians queuing up at the local shop to buy spare guitars and the actress who bared her breasts soon found out that every other actress was romping naked and that she had been left behind. Oh, and that politician that had mentioned organic food soon found himself at the back of a very large queue at the local organic greengrocers.

The true individual who does something that is far-and-away outside of the normal, that is not a copycat of any social or work group and that is unknown or just plain different finds life very hard indeed. Words are bandied around like hermit or recluse. Prodigal sons and black sheep flit around followed by scowls and hushed words and the more different these people are the harder they find it to exist. Generally everybody has to follow or be part of a social group just to be able to survive even if at the very least the group’s main existence is to be different. Simply by joining the “be different group” its members are conforming simply through agreeing to be different.

The only real individuals who are totally and independently different are those who are dead or live in isolation wards at the local mental hospital.

Comments Off

Few things are more difficult than kicking bad habits or developing more positive ones. But it is definitely worth the effort. Bad habits like smoking, overeating or self-criticism shorten lives and lead to underachievement, and unsuccessful attempts to change them lower self-esteem.

In contrast, good habits create a kind of “success auto-pilot,” leading to greater accomplishment with less thought and less effort.

So how do you best eliminate bad habits and create good ones? Research from the new field of “positive psychology” - the scientific study of happy, successful people - points to at least four proven techniques for successful habit management.

1. Replace a bad habit with a good one. Completely eliminating a habit is much harder than replacing it with a more productive habit. Studies of people who compulsively bite their fingernails have shown that it is very difficult for them to completely give up their habit, and much easier for them to substitute biting with the more productive habit of grooming their nails.

Similarly, people who talk too much during meetings struggle to become silent, but find it much easier to replace their compulsive talking with highly attentive listening.

2. Exercise. A habit of regular exercise is obviously important for lasting weight loss. But you may not realize that exercise helps in accomplishing a variety of goals, and in eliminating a number of bad habits.

Frequent exercise helps break habits of overeating, and in kicking all kinds of addictions, particularly if exercise is substituted for an end-of-the-day cocktail or cigarette. Among smokers who become competitive runners, for example, over 80% give up smoking.

3. Reward success. The most fundamental law in all of psychology is the “law of effect.” It simply states that actions followed by rewards are strengthened and likely to recur. Unfortunately, studies show that people rarely use this technique when trying to change personal habits. Dieters, for example, routinely overlook weeks of exercise and restrained eating, only to let a single lapse “snowball” into a total relapse and complete collapse.

Setting up formal or informal rewards for success greatly increases your chances of transforming bad habits into good ones, and is far more effective than punishing yourself for bad habits or setbacks.

4. Schedule your bad habits. If you are really struggling to kick a bad habit, try limiting the habit to a specific time and place. If you are struggling to quit cigarettes, allow yourself to smoke from 9-9:30pm, and only in an uncomfortable “smoking stool.” When the urge to smoke strikes, tell yourself that you’ll have plenty of time to smoke during your pre-scheduled smoking period. Research and case studies confirm that this rather unconventional approach can be a useful first step in changing bad habits.

Copyright © 2004 Stephen Kraus, Ph.D.

REFERENCES

The findings and recommendations in this article are based on scientific research published in peer-reviewed journals. For complete references, see Psychological Foundations of Success: A Harvard-Trained Scientist Separates the Science of Success from Self-Help Snake Oil by Stephen Kraus, Ph.D.

Comments Off

Meditation is a great way to manage and reduce stress. It is widely known to have positive effect on the human body physically, emotionally and psychologically. Meditation produces a state of relaxation that benefits the heart, the brain, the lungs and blood. It is even known to reduce the lactate level in the blood which is directly related to feelings of anxiety, tension and fatigue. The emotional and psychological improvements include an increase in mental alertness, feeling more alive, healthier, happier, and a general sense of well being.

There are many types of mediation techniques that can be employed. The easiest technique is to sit in a comfortable chair, close your eyes, connect your tongue to your palette and start abdominal breathing. With abdominal breathing you expand your abdomen slightly when breathing in and contract your abdomen slightly when breathing out.

While breathing, try to achieve single mindedness by emptying your mind or just focusing on one thing only. There is a common saying in martial arts and yoga disciplines that if the water is turbulent, it is difficult to see what is under it…if the water is calm, one can easily see what is under the water. Similarly when the mind is calm and emotions are still, it is possible to achieve a level of self realisation or illumination.

Because the mind literally has “a mind of its own”, it can be difficult to control the chaotic emotions and thoughts that go on inside. It does actually take some discipline and practice to focus and stop your mind from wandering from one unrelated thought to another. A common method used to keep your mind focused is by chanting a mantra such as “Om” or “Amen”. By chanting your mantra, you will find that the mind will not wander so much. In certain traditions the use of a mantra actually carry a deeper meaning, usually a single word or expression, or even a complete prayer, which is considered to be of great spiritual significance. In time you will find that your mantra will be the trigger that puts you into the correct mental state required for meditation. With as a little as 10 minutes of regular meditation every day, it is possible to live a progressively stress free existence without making dramatic changes to your lifestyle.

Comments Off